It has been six years since I became a single mom (or actually, ever since because my ex-husband was an OFW). Until now, I still have been waiting for the court decision that I'm finally free from the bondage of marriage. Court hearings were already done two years ago and until now the decision hasn't been made. Normally, it should only take 90 days after the last hearing to come up with a decision. I just feel unlucky that my case was awarded to a pairing judge (look at http://www.chanrobles.com/admincircular134-92.htm#.Vis9phArIq- for the meaning of pairing judge). Anyway, I'm praying that it'll be sooner than soon.
No, I'm not getting married very soon. I just needed it for my own peace of mind, eliminating legal issues from my pending list. My family is also trying to file a petition for me and my son so we can join them in the United States. Another reason is I'm also waiting for that decision so I can already jump in the dating arena. Yes, I'm still hoping that I will have my 'forever', hahaha.
My son will sometimes tell me, "I wish my Daddy is here." It breaks my heart but what can I do? I will just tell him, "I don't want your Daddy anymore, just pray to God to give me a new husband," and he will immediately ask the Lord to give me a new husband. There were times that he would also tell me that he wants a baby brother or a baby sister. Usually I say, "How can I get pregnant? I don't have a husband!" Yes, my son knows our family situation because I do believe that it's his right to know and I do not want him to know the truth from other people. I just always remind him not to tell other people about it because they might not understand our family situation. He will just tell that it's a secret or he will let me tell it to them instead.
Recently, when he was asked where his daddy is, he said, "My daddy's in heaven." I didn't teach him to say that to others, I was so surprised. He said that he lied about his daddy because he doesn't want 'to let the cat out of the bag'. Somehow my son knows how sensitive our case is.
All the while, I thought I'm okay being a single mom. But sometimes, when the things get rough, I still miss the feeling of having someone whom you can rely on to and can be your shoulder to cry on to comfort you and help you get out through the messy situation. Sometimes when man powers are needed (e.g. car stuff), I don't have any choice but to make myself be familiarized with all those stuff. There are times that I need to be like Erin Brokovich, I need to use my charm in dealing with men so that I will be favored. At dahil dito, minsan naliligawan ako, hahaha.
As much as I wanted to put more hours at work, I cannot because I have mommy duties to fulfill. I juggle several jobs while I try to also manage the household. Apart from that, I still homeschool my son. Recently, my son is struggling with homeschooling that he doesn't want to be homeschooled anymore (another blogpost about this soon). I cannot afford to hire a househelp and honestly, I'm scared to have one because of lots of horror stories about bad househelpers. I just pray to God to give me more strength for me to be able to accomplish a lot of things in a day. I'm also proud to have a son whom I can rely on. He does some of the household chores and sometimes when I'm not feeling well, he cooks food for both of us.
There are also things that a father should be the one to deal with sons. I do sometimes say to myself, "I wish there is someone who will be discussing this with Kib." When my patience is wearing thin, I wish that there is someone who will keep things cool between me and Kib. I can see Kib's longing for a father figure. During the times that Kib still sees his father (it has been two years since he last saw his Daddy), he will immediately lean and engage with him. I feel sad for him growing up without a father figure in his life. I just hold on to God's promise that He will the father of the fatherless.
I thank the Lord for the daily sustenance He has been giving me and my son. I thank the Lord for protecting me and my son from harm. I thank the Lord for surrounding us with the right people who support and love us. Despite of our unique family set-up, there are still lots of things to thank the Lord for.
I just take one day at a time. I give my everything to the Lord for His plans for me and Kib. I am praying for my 'forever' too. Please pray for us also, it'll be very much appreciated.
There, pardon for having a drama post. I just need to let you know that it's not really a walk in the park being a single mom, having dual roles while keeping my sanity intact.
Thank you for Spotify too, for calming me when the storms in my life are raging, haha.