Dear Married,

Hello!  How is your married life?

Are you wondering who am I talking to?  Yes, I am talking to you.  I know that you have been reading my blog for the longest time so most probably you know my life.  I have failed marriage and just made it legal almost two years ago (read about it here).  

I hope that you keep your promise to each other that no matter what, you will stick to each other until death.  I know it's hard but that's part of the life that you have chosen.  Getting married is not a joke, that you can just get away from it should things don't work out between you.  Marriage is a union between two different people, with different views, beliefs, and upbringings.  To make marriage work, you need to learn what are the things that you should compromise on.  I know it's not going to be an easy road in order for your marriage to work, and even if you have been married for a long time it is not a guarantee that your marriage will not experience trials and challenges anymore.

You might wonder why I am writing a letter to you.  You might find it weird to write a letter coming from someone who had a failed relationship and giving you advices about relationships.  No, I am not discouraging you to discontinue your relationship with your spouse.  I won't even say to you that you should immediately part ways when you experience frequent misunderstandings and differences.  This is the time that you should pray more to God to give you the patience and love that your partner needs.

For sure you will ask me, "When is enough enough?"  Actually, I don't know.  You will be the only one who can answer that question.  Basic rule of marriage is that you should stick together no matter what.  You will also tell me, "I didn't know that behavior of his/hers!  It only showed up after we got married."  That is why it is highly encouraged that before getting married, the couple should undergo counselling.  After the counselling session, there are times couples discover things about each other that they find won't work if they are already bound into marriage.  

Oh, you didn't undergo pre-marital counselling?  It's okay.  Some are not open to that idea  because they are afraid to know the things that they shouldn't discover in the first place.  You're undergoing problem right now with your spouse?  I would still advise that you undergo counselling.  There are times that problems can no longer be solved between you and your spouse.  There is already a need to have a third party to mediate in sorting out your differences.  No, relatives and friends aren't good mediators.  Sometimes they have a tendency to take sides.  However, if you think that they can help you, no problem with that, but if you think that seeking help within your circle will only make things worse, I would recommend that you seek counselling from professionals.  This website, Regain.us, has been giving meaningful insights about marriage counselling.  You may wish to check this link so that you can determine whether you need professional help or not:  https://www.regain.us/.

Marriage is a beautiful thing.  It is created by God.  Don't lose hope.  Even if I have failed marriage, it doesn't mean that I already lost faith in marriage.  People around me are still hopeful that I will be able to find The One, I just have to be patient and trust God's plan.  For now, I am living day by day, taking good care of my son and focusing on sustaining our daily needs.  

May you be enlightened after reading my letter to you.

Have a good day!



From Someone Who Is Previously Married